I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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