i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
