i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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