I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I wear drunk well.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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