I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
