i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
