hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize