I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
