Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i will never coherently bang her
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
