We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
