My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
