party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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