I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I think a kid would responsible me up
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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