Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
