Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
