I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just pee around me
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
