If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
