I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
