I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
