Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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