if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
