Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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