I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
