Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
