and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
