i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
