I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
do herpes really smell.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
