Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
