Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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