She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
