I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
