i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
