Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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