I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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