I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
