I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
