Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
