I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
