Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He better not be in your backpack
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
MIDGETS
????
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
