YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Everything about him screamed your future.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm getting married
To pizza
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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