hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize