the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
