Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
