i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
