grandma shit on top of the toilet
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
