I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
