i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
