Me. At least after what I've been through.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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