My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize