She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
do herpes really smell.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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