come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
