New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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