Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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