that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
