Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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