Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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