Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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