what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
