is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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