So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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