What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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