Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
