I think i sorta joined a cult last night
accomplished twins. life is a go
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
