i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
