Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
