You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
