cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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