M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
