You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
