Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
please don't ironically join a cult
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
